The Thoughtful Co. Interview Series - Part 3
Confidence - Fake It Till You Make It
Q: Can you share some of your clients' stories, of the individuals and the companies?
Jill: Many women I've been coaching say, "I just felt I was lucky to get the job; I didn't feel like I had to negotiate." I've forgotten the exact statistics, but probably 70% of the people I've talked to say that, which is an interesting point. I don't know if data back this, but women seem to feel lucky just to be there. In contrast, a man will come in knowing that he has value and negotiate. And that's really interesting. And I want to empower women to understand how valuable they are to these companies and feel confident in negotiating for their work.
Something that's also been interesting is the support aspect of helping women negotiate their compensation. You're kind of on an island when you're negotiating your compensation. There are not many resources out there, and you don't know what to ask for or how to ask it. We can just feel completely alone through that process.
Building a network and having people you feel comfortable talking to about compensation is beneficial. I'm sure Simple Steps is such a great group for doing that. Have contacts that you can trust and discuss things openly with, and also practice these conversations. It's so important to practice what you're going to say before you say it and having someone to do that with can be so helpful. I'm also finding that making sure you have the data and practice and doing your prep before makes you come across so much more confidently, and they're more likely to get what they want.
Q: Great. Do you have any last words of advice you want to give to our Simple Steps community members?
Jill: Overall, just feel confident in your value, and I want to stress that now is a great time to negotiate and ask for things in the current environment. Know that you add so much value to a company and feel empowered to ask for what you deserve. I think this is what I'd like to leave people.
Sophie: Yeah, I was actually going to say something similar in knowing your value. And doing a power stance before a presentation, which I think came from a TED Talk. I would like to add making a list of why you matter, like what value you add that's unique to your role. It's helpful for that negotiation discussion, but it's also like pumping your tires before that moment. "Yes, I am really important, I'm valuable, and I should be paid accordingly." And so you go in with more confidence and a positive feeling.
Remember, the discussion itself is happening because you are valued. Your employer knows it, so they're taking the time to have that discussion with you. So it's just about taking that last step.
Q: That's great. How do you think people could build that confidence? Do you have any tips for building competence that has worked for you or your clients?
Jill: Something that I've used my whole career is that you can fake it. Fake confidence and it starts becoming real. And that has truly worked for me. You're very likely to be extremely good at your job, you work really hard, and you add a lot of value. Helping others come up with a list of things you can kind of pump yourself up with is also good. Writing concrete things that you've done throughout the year helps too. If you look at the very specific things you've actually achieved or non-negotiable things that you've done for your team, it lets you see how amazing you are.
I've coached women to do that going into compensation negotiations, and no one's super confident when they have to ask for more money because it's just an awkward thing. And so you can fake it a little, and then it will come through and that, that faking it will turn you into actually being confident. It's kind of like how smiling helps you feel happy. I think we need a little bit of that because women are not socialized to believe we are the best people; we are socialized to think that we're less than others. So we need to kind of switch that narrative. And that's what's worked for me. Another great tactic is to just start doing.
Interview date: February 9, 2022
Interviewed by Jiyoon Yoo and Doyeon Kim
